Why Saying “I’ll Try” Is Wrecking Your Mindset Shift

“I’ll try to think more positively.”
“I’ll try not to get anxious next time.”
“I’m trying to change how I react.”

Sound familiar?

In therapy sessions, mindset workshops, and even everyday conversations, this tiny word pops up again and again: try. And while it might sound harmless, optimistic even, but it’s one of the slipperiest saboteurs in the English language when it comes to real change.

In this blog, I want to explain exactly why “trying” to shift your mindset keeps you stuck, how it’s quietly reinforcing the very beliefs you’re working to undo, and what to say instead if you’re serious about change.

Let’s start by calling out the elephant in the room…

“Try” Has Failure Baked In

Think about it.

If I asked you to pick up a pen and “try” to drop it, what would you do?

Either you drop it… or you don’t. You don’t try. You either do or you don’t.

The word “try” implies attempt without commitment. It’s a halfway house for people who are afraid to fully engage, because committing means confronting something uncomfortable:

• What if I fail?

• What if it’s hard?

• What if it doesn’t work?

So instead, the brain latches onto “trying” as a safety net. It’s a cushion. A bit of padding to avoid the full sting of vulnerability. If you fail, you can always say “Well, I did try…” and avoid that raw feeling of accountability.

But here’s the clincher: your subconscious is always listening. And when it hears “I’ll try,” it assumes you’re not serious. That you’re not truly ready. That you’re still on the fence.

Which means it doesn’t mobilise your internal resources. It doesn’t back you up with the necessary motivation, belief, or resilience. Because it’s waiting for you to decide.

Mindset Shifts Require Decision, Not Negotiation

Let’s talk about mindset for a second.

A mindset isn’t something you simply pick up and test out like a new outfit. It’s not a tentative thing. It’s a decision. And decision, from the Latin decidere, literally means “to cut off”, to eliminate all other options.

So when you decide to shift your mindset, you’re saying:

• “This way of thinking is no longer welcome.”

• “I am choosing differently, deliberately, and daily.”

• “I’m leaving behind what no longer serves me.”

Saying “I’ll try” is a way of keeping the old mindset on standby. You haven’t let go. You’re just tiptoeing toward the new, hoping it’ll work out without having to fully commit.

Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.

People who live at effect tend to use language like this:

• “I’m trying, but life’s just too hard.”

• “I’ll try to stop overthinking, but my anxiety always wins.”

• “I’ve tried everything.”

The word “try” here is a red flag. It reveals that you’re still believing your circumstances are stronger than your choices. That external factors control your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

That is never where transformation happens.

Real change begins when you shift from trying to choosing. When you stop waiting for permission from the world and give it to yourself.

“I’m working on this.”
“I’m changing this.”
“I’m committed to shifting this.”

Now we’re getting somewhere

Let’s Look at Some Real-Life Examples

Client A says:
“I’ll try not to react when my mum criticises me.”

Sounds reasonable, right? Except her subconscious hears: “I might still react. This change isn’t definite. Let’s keep the defence system ready just in case.”

Versus…

Client B says:
“I’ve decided I’m no longer giving my mum’s criticism power over my self-worth.”

That second version? It lands. It’s firm. It instructs the mind to change the emotional response, not just hover at the edge of maybe.

The NLP Lens: “Try” Is a Linguistic Distortion

In NLP, we recognise that language doesn’t just reflect reality, it also creates it.

When you say “try,” you’re already creating a mental blueprint that includes struggle, doubt, and a potential excuse.

We call this a presupposition, an unconscious assumption baked into the structure of a sentence. And with “try,” the presupposition is: “This might not work.”

You’re literally programming your brain with a back door for failure.

Now think of how often people say:

• “I’ll try to be more confident.”

• “I’ll try to relax.”

• “I’ll try to speak up more.”

Each one is loaded with hesitation. And the unconscious mind loves certainty. It thrives on clarity, direction, and repetition. “Try” gives it none of that.

What To Say Instead (and Why It Works)

So what can you say instead of “I’ll try”?

Here are a few powerful substitutions, and why they shift things:

1. “I am…”
   E.g., “I am learning to respond differently.”
    This brings the change into the present moment. It’s happening now. Not in some vague future. Even if it’s still messy, the process is already under way.

2. “I’ve decided…”
   E.g., “I’ve decided to let go of the old story.”
   This is language of choice. It moves you out of victimhood and into authority over your mind.

3. “I’m committed to…”
   E.g., “I’m committed to speaking kindly to myself, even when it feels hard.”
    Commitment carries weight. It tells the subconscious this is serious.

4. “I’m practising…”
   E.g., “I’m practising new habits of thought.”
   This is softer than ‘deciding’, but still active. It gives room for imperfection without falling into the swamp of “trying.”

Notice how all these alternatives are rooted in action, agency, and ownership.

Try Is a Lie: The Jedi Truth

Let’s take a moment to honour a very wise alien in a swamp.

Yoda once said:

“Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

You might smile at the quote, but it’s a deceptively powerful truth. And I can’t tell you how many clients have had breakthroughs once they stopped trying to be less anxious… and started being calm, grounded, intentional.

You don’t wait until you feel ready. You don’t “try” and see what happens. You decide. You lead your nervous system, rather than waiting for it to behave before you take action.

The Energy of Language

Words are spells. That’s why we call it “spelling.”
And the energy behind the word “try” is low. Wobbly. Doubtful.

The energy behind “choose,” “commit,” or “decide” is solid. Rooted. Anchored.

When you say “I’ll try,” you tell the universe: “I’m not quite ready to receive.”
When you say “I’m doing this,” you create a container strong enough to hold the transformation.

That’s when the real shifts start to happen.

A Mindset Shift Requires More Than Motivation

If you’ve been “trying” for years and not getting far, don’t beat yourself up.

The problem isn’t your desire. It’s your strategy.

Motivation will fade. Discipline might wobble. But identity change, seeing yourself differently, is where the gold lies. And identity doesn’t shift with “try.” It shifts with decision, intention, and repetition.

This is why the tools I use at Transformations, focus on getting beneath the language and working with the root identity and unconscious patterns.

We don’t just change thoughts. We change the inner landscape they’re growing in

Ready to Stop Trying?

So here’s your invitation.

If you’re tired of “trying” to manage anxiety, fix your mindset, or feel better about yourself… then stop trying.

Decide.

Choose.

Speak the language of certainty, even if your knees are shaking.

You don’t have to know all the steps. You just need to take the next one with commitment.

And if you want someone to walk that path with you, someone who’s done this work hundreds of times, who sees past the fluff and holds space for real, grounded change, I’m here.

Let’s stop trying.

Let’s start transforming.

Ready to ditch the “try” and start shifting your mindset for real?

Book your free consultation or find out more at nlptransformations.co.uk. Helping you overcome anxiety and trauma, and step fully into your power, no trying required.